Sorry I haven’t been writing for a while, but honestly my life has become very “vanilla” lately! Not much to put on this blog…hopefully that will change soon! I bought a 3 year membership to a gym recently and so far so good. It’s very close to home, so I should be going often. So far, it’s been about 4 times a week. :-)
This has been a crazy holiday season for me, visiting family and friends. I’m going to get back to writing (and playing!) very very soon!
Things have just been busy around here, and not much spanking going on!
Hopefully, Monday, MC and I will have some playtime.
Regarding my diet: I’ve done “ok” – we are eating healthy foods – oats, beans, etc. We might be eating a little too much, though. We also went out to eat a few times (I think I had a hamburger a couple of times!) which is a no-no for almost any diet. Exercise has gone by the wayside as the weather got colder. I actually like cold weather, so that’s not a good excuse.
Truth be told, we’ve been lazy. We’ve been watching movies, making christmas plans and doing what we darn well please! I’ve managed to keep up on the chores, but it’s an afterthought rather than something that I do on purpose.
DD was sick and home from school Monday and Tuesday, so my time was spent trying to get her well. She’s feeling better and is back to school today.
Now you see why I haven’t been writing. I really dont have much to write about – and I’m even boring myself at this point!
Ok, don’t read too much into that last post. I was having a hard time last night, and felt I was losing MC. I feared I was going to lose him right when I’ve allowed myself to trust and love him most. He assured me I was not, could not, and would not – but I could not be consoled. I didn’t sleep well last night at all. Probably 2 hours, total and I woke up about a thousand times because of short nighmares. I don’t think MC slept well, either. The light of day offered little comfort, and I was still in a bad way until about noon. Things have become more clear, and I am feeling better.
Funny thing is I wound up losing 1.8 pounds this week (I lost 3 pounds since yesterday!). Probably water weight from all the crying… It’s a good thing that MC is strong- willed and not easily run off.
As a result of my panic attack (that’s all I can call it, really) MC and I didn’t have our schedule playtime today. Our next opportunity will be in about 10 days… *sigh*. We watched “How the grinch stole christmas” and “kiss me kate” this afternoon. Both light, and easily digested.
Tomorrow will be a “chore” day, so that we can have a family day on Sunday. It’s nice to have a weekend when we can all be together.
It’s days like today that I could really use some hard play- punishment even. I know MC forgives me for losing it, but I don’t know how to forgive myself, sometimes.
Tomorrow is a new day, and a new start. I’m so fortunate to be married to a man who loves me, with all of my faults and crazy-making. I definately keep it to a minimum, and I’m sure he’s grateful for that. I am not a drama queen – and I run from drama. It’s just right now I’m basically a housewife, and no one ever told me how scary that can be – to be totally dependent on someone for support – not only now, but if they were to die… Well, I have to not think about that right now. I just got over it my last “episode”. lol
Thank you MC, for being who you are.
Your’s forever, tigger
I don’t want to lose you, while I still love you
But how do I stop loving you, when you’re part of me?
This isn’t easy for me to admit, but I think I’m depressed. I’m sleeping most of the day away, and I’m not motivated to do much of anything. MC suggested that I leave for a walk each day after DD gets to school. I think it’s a good idea. Today I slept off and on almost all day until DD got home from school. I don’t like to do that. It’s a total waste of time, and of my life. I went to the grocery store with MC a couple of days ago, and I was looking at expiration dates, thinking things with a date of 11/01/09 were expired. I actually thought it was 2009! I’ve been inside, with my own thoughts, I’ve actually bored myself into thinking it’s a whole different year!
MC says that if I would just get outside, I would feel better. He’s a wise man. As it is, I’m staying indoors all day, and boring myself half to death. I make lists of things to accomplish, and don’t do them. I’ve even started looking for jobs – which is unnecessary and unproductive. I have a job, and one that I can do at home, at that! I just have to figure out how to motivate myself to actually do it.
Honestly, I think my life is just too good to keep my interest. Life has always been sort of difficult, but this year, it became very simple. DD is managing her own schedule and transportation to school. Our rent is lower, MC got a raise, we have enough money to cover our bills, we have good health insurance, and MC and I are back on track, in our love life. Nothing to complain about. Nothing to get too excited about.
I’m not doing awesome on my diet goals. But, tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully I can get away to take a walk. I’m still up a pound from last official weigh in. I have until Thursday morning to bring it down. I haven’t really eaten that poorly – but my portions are sort of out whack. I think I ate 3 cups of raisin bran today.
To be tied…
Playtime and/or punishment (hoping for less of the later and more of the former) is still scheduled for this Friday. MC and I are going to try to attend a couple of munches this month, to connect with others with kinky interests. We might be able to fit a play party in, in January. December is just too full of holidays and chaos.
I’ve been accused of being blind to MC’s faults, and MC has been accused of having no faults! Ha! Let me dispel that myth right now:
- 1) MC likes morning sex – bad breath, having to pee and all – he wants it. I hate it.
- 2) MC clacks his teeth with his fork when he takes a bite.
- 3) MC absolutely cannot eat chips quietly, or with his mouth closed
- 4) MC spends WAY too much time in front of his computer (granted, he is actually accomplishing things – writing, website design, etc.)
- 5) Most of the time, I go to bed alone – about 4 hours ahead of MC
- 6) MC sneezes so loudly that I jump every time
- 7) MC steals restaurant mints by the pocketful (buying them at the store would just hurt his cheap heart)
- 8) MC is a slob. If it was up to him, he’d have clothes and dishes in every room of the apartment. Yet, he will stoop over to pick up a piece of lint off the carpet.
- 9) MC collects paper. Whatever it is – brochures, tissues, paper towels, receipts, bags – it’s all on his desk. It’s a fire hazard. I get spanked for throwing any of it away.
- 10) MC takes his shoes off and rubs sock remnants (i.e. toe jam) all over the carpet under his desk. Then you-know-who has to get under there to clean it up. Don’t ask me if it smells – I don’t know- I hold my breath.
- 11) MC waits until the kitchen is perfectly clean to go cook bacon on the high setting and splatter grease everywhere.
- 12) MC talks to himself in the morning. I used to take this personally, because it sounds like he’s grumbling – he’s just leaking random thoughts because he can’t hold any more hot air in his head.
- 13) For a dominant, MC is really lazy. I have to take down my own pants, lower my own panties, get myself over his lap, and occasionally hand him the implement of destruction. I’m surprised I don’t have to spank myself.
- 14) MC uses my comb to comb his hair, and leaves his hair in it.
- 15) MC has never once told me that he loves me, first.
- 16) MC likes Star Trek and Star Wars WAY too much
- 17) I cut my hair today, and MC didn’t even notice. He couldn’t figure out what was different.
- 18) MC didn’t ever officially propose to me. I’m not even really clear about how that whole thing happened.
- 19) MC hogs the covers in bed. He doesn’t just pull them over – he pulls ONE CORNER over, so the sheets are left in a diamond shape.
- 20) MC spanks me for not exercising – but just TRY to get him to come on a walk with me. Yeah right, he acts like he’s allergic to fresh air.
Yet, with all his little quirks – and all of the extra work he creates – I still love him. I will love him until the day I die. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.